Two Good Things

I was SO glad to hear from my friend Enya today! It was a good omen, because I was on my way to teach a graduate course I’ve been wanting to teach for the longest, and I was also nervous because a colleague told me that she recommended the class to some students and she said it and looked at me in this “so don’t fuck up” kind of way. Maybe it was my imagination? Anyway. I was also nervous because there’s this graduate student taking the class who is an absolute superstar and simply exudes positive vibes like a frickin' plant light. And who wants to disappoint a person like that? If he was an asshole, maybe. But he’s not.

The class went really well considering that I constructed the syllabus in a total of 8 hours, tops. I know what you’re thinking. “F.E., you’re such a SLACKER!!!! If all professors were like you, the United States higher education system would fall to pieces!” Well maybe you're thinking that or maybe it’s just my internal cynic speaking. But this semester I am DETERMINED to make this class and my other class absolutely phenomenal. It’s an effort to get rid of the “bad-class-karma” I accumulated from last semester when the semester was over before I gave my students back their final projects. And…if I teach my classes well this semester, it will be some kind of consolation prize if I don’t manage to make my goal of publishing 50,000 articles in every top tier journal known to wo-man (which is what I said I would do in my fourth year review if they would pretty please with shugar on top give me a chance to make tenure).

The other cool thing is that I have this guy from New Zealand in my class and I’m thinking…I wonder if he knows C. (which is the only other person I’ve ever met from New Zealand)…but I’m also thinking “this is a graduate multicultural education class. How stereotypical and lame would it be if I said ‘hey, do you know C?’ as if ALL New Zealanders know each other). So I’m sitting there, and I start to ask, and then I stop, and then I start, and the guy just says, “C said to tell you hi.” It was another good omen and I’m just going to take it and keep on steppin. Do you ever feel like thanking your higher power and saying to that higher power “I know you know that I am a worthless piece of mole dung, but you keep giving me these chances to make good and I just want to let you know that I am going to try my hardest to get reincarnated as, say, Siamese cat dung, just to let you know how happy I am to have another chance at living a worthwhile life?” That’s sort of how I feel tonight. And even though it’s getting harder to think of things to write without really writing about some of the things that matter most in my life, I still can’t get enough of this stupidly great blogging thing. I’m self-loathing nerd, that's what I am. I just need to learn how to claim my nerdiness without apology.