Passive Aggressive or Pacifist?

My 3 year old daughter is being hit, in private, by her 5 year old cousin. Last week they were riding the cousin's electric-powered VW Barbie-mobile. I was around the corner on the patio. A comes running around the corner, crying--which is relatively unusual. Mommy-mode in full effect, I scoop her up and confront K, the cousin. "What happened?" I ask. Both are silent. I ask again. A few more seconds pass and K says that A was upset because she wanted to push the horn button on the car. I ask A if this is true and she nods, not speaking. Classic domestic violence scene, I later think to myself, because something was just not right. A few days later, I question A and she tells me that K had hit her in the face. A went over to K's to get her hair braided on Sunday and yesterday (Tuesday) she told me that K had hit her while they were in the back playing in K's room. I tell her that she should tell K in a loud voice "DON'T HIT ME! IT'S NOT NICE!" and that she should come and tell me what happened. S.O. overhears and I explain. He tells A that if someone hits her she should hit them back and then come get one of us.

My hopes for raising a peace-loving daughter go out the window. But then I start thinking. Are many pacifists just confrontation-loathing passive aggressives? I mean, what do you do with all of that negative energy when someone hits you and you turn the other cheek (which, admittedly, is not what I adviced A to do)? I reached the conclusion that I want to raise a daughter that is a pacifist but can kick somebody's ass right quick if she has to.

And thus we have a living breathing example of how a so-called feminist rationalizes agreement with her man. What to make something of it?