Evil Hollywood

As I lay curled in a full fledge PMS (or maybe just MS) depression, my S.O. tried to understand what was wrong. I'm sure that I was barely intelligible between sobs, but I think my answer was something like "Why..." (sob) am (sob) I (sob) here?" ImeanwhatismypurposeherebecauseIjustcan'tfigureit
outandI'msotired
(sob)
offeelinglikeI'mafailureateverythingatbeingawife
amotherI'mfailingatmyjobI
(sob)
justdon'tunderstandwhatitisI'msupposedtobedoing
(this last part trails off into a really nice snot snort).

S.O.'s response: "Uhm...so...by "here" do you mean in this house, this city, this state, or...."

You see, this is the reason to be married. With that single question, my S.O. brought me out of my sappy existential funk, because at that point I sat up and thought to myself "leave it to my husband to put a completely pragmatic spin on my despair."

Because, obviously, if we could just pinpoint where "here" is, then we would have hope of finding a solution to the problem. Clearly, I just need the right tool--a socket wrench, perhaps.

Of course, the thing that matters is that he was willing to listen (albeit briefly, before launching into his usual soliloquy about his perspective on things--but he DID listen).

And the way I was feeling is not his fault. In fact I would like to take this opportunity to blame everything on the evil Hollywood people. I'm talking about the people who feed us the myth that every individual is born to fulfill a certain single-minded purpose in life. It was my S.O. who planted this seed--after he realized that "here" was not an actual location, his comment to me was "Does anyone really know why they're here?"

And after overdosing on TV in an effort to quell the last few stress nightmares I've had, I realized the truth of S.O.'s question. TV, movies...99% of those leading men and ladies are portrayed as having some kind of inner truth that "shines through" and reveals their purpose, their reason for existing.

Hollywood is just another form of crack.