$0.87

A week and a half ago when I thought I was doing good to be paying a bill on time (if you have to ask why this is good, and have a few hours you'd like to spend procrastinating, please refer to the past year + of posts), even though I was frustrated to be at a department store where there was only one cash register open and I couldn't make a payment with my bankcard because the card reader was broken and the cashier had to call over a manager to see if I could write one check for the carebear short set that was on sale for 5.00 AND my monthly payment of 25.00, and the manager couldn't figure it out and finally decided that I should just write two checks. ...Even though I thought I was doing good to have the presence of mind to thank the cashier for putting up with MY impatience (because, after all, it's probably not her fault that the card reader is broken), and even though I then practically break the sound barrier so that I could come home to rub spices over a half frozen chicken and almost literally toss it in the oven before being almost late to pick up A. from preschool (and of course, S.O. called me in the midst of the chicken rubbing to ask me what I'm sure he thought were relevant questions about why I was putting a chicken in the oven at 5:19 and didn't I know that it wouldn't be ready till almost seven... and shouldn't I be leaving already to pick A. up...) . Even though I looked back on that day with weariness and a sense of pride...

I still came up fucking short. Eighty-seven cents short, to be exact. Because, of course when I went to pay the bill at the store I couldn't find the most recent statement and decided that I thought I remembered that the minimum due was 25.00. Of course, I was almost right. It was 25.87. So I called S**** and kindly asked the customer service rep if there was anything I could do and he kindly told me to rush over to the nearest payment center and make the payment and then call to see about having any late fees taken off. Which I did.

And today I get the bill. Today, when I'm already feeling lonely and purposeless and all of the other premenstrual bullshit...I get the bill and see that there is indeed a late fee. And no, the kind other customer service rep informs me, no I cannot have the late fee taken off because we already cut you a break a few months ago ma'am and you've been delinquent more than two times in 24 months and by the way, your account is closed so there is no reason to expect that we would be able to assist you and really, even though it's only .87 cents, you are responsible for knowing what your payments are and making them on time.

It is times like these, when I am faced with the reality of my own incompetence, that I just want to quit everything and try something more manageable. Like being a lima bean. Or a rock.