What If...Morbid Thoughts That We Don't Admit To

This is for all the moms out there. Especially those with one child. Do you ever think about what would happen (heaven forbid) if your child died? There's actually a rule that says we're not supposed to talk about this or even think it in order to ward off this potential reality. But we do think about it. I have told myself that every day, every moment with Ais a blessing not to be taken for granted. But...if this fledging blog is in large part about the trials and tribuluations of being a career-oriented wife and mother...then what would happen if she was suddenly not there? Would I have some sad-sack message about the lovely being that she was and keep the links I collected for working moms who were still lucky enough to have their children safe and sound? Would I abandon the blog all together, sign off and never be heard from again? Or what about an alternative reality in which I did the slightly weird thing of commenting every now and then about how old she would be and what she would be doing at "X" age? I suppose I wouldn't think it was slightly weird if I was doing that, it'd just be rationalized as a coping strategy that others might find helpful. NOT. So forget that last option. I guess the bottom line is that in thinking about any important person in my life in this way, I don't know what I would do, think, or say. The only option for me is to keep on with what I'm doing and not speak of this again. Except to say that an idea behind this writing is that it is a healthy thing to recognize the things you've been blessed to have and it is also a good thing to try one's hardest to embrace the changes that life brings. Seeing life changes as opportunities for growth, learning, and becoming more "beautifully human," and all that. I don't think I have to say (though I am about to) that this would probably all be thrown away by me as a load of pollyanna crap if something bad were to happen. But maybe, hopefully, not. Here's to hoping that I won't have to see the opportunity in that kind of change.